whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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