she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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