just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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