so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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