the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize