someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize