When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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