You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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