I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
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