if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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