So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize