he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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