Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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