I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize