i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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