so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize