He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize