just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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