hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize