No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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