it's too hot outside to masturbate.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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