How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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