dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize