didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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