The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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