3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I did not marry a roomba.
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