I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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