He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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