Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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