For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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