she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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