I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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