Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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