I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize