Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize