Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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