oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize