I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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