I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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