I just made out with a guy for $7.
if only i could text you this smell
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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