Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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