The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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