My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
try to milk me bitch
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