So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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