new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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