i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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