So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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