we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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