I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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