My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize